Matt looks how I feel
OPENER
Welcome to this week’s review of TNA Impact Wrestling, last week we were left with a standoff after the lumberjack world championship match between Lashley and Galloway, this week we see the fallout of that and more. So with that said let me jump into a review with a very serious question. What the fuck has happened to Matt Hardy? He comes out in front of the TNA crowd and announces that he has “evolved”, whatever that means. For some unknown reason, he is speaking with a seriously strange accent which I can’t quite place. Matt goes on to tell the audience that if “Brother Nero” signs the contract for their match at Slammiversary then he is signing his own deaths sentence. Crazy Victorian poet Matt Hardy isn’t alone for long as his former followers Rockstar Spud and Tyrus make their way out to the ring, clearly as freaked out as I am. After the pleading from Spud and Tyrus, Matt decides that if they can defeat Jeff Hardy in a ladder match tonight he will not fight him at Slammiversary, if they fail, however, Matt will no longer associate himself with the pair. I have another serious question. Where the hell is Dixie Carter? In kayfabe (and real life) she has to be the worst authority figure out there, the wrestlers seem to have all the power.
EC3 def. MATT HARDY
The match opens with Matt quickly gaining the upper hand on EC3, driving him into the corner and savagely beating on him, a fitting move set for his change of character. Other than that, however, this is a standard match for an aging Hardy, he uses the same move set he always does and is quite slow in doing so. EC3 however as usual is on good form and noticeably quicker than his opponent. The match continues for roughly 5 minutes before Mike Bennett makes his way out to observe the matchup and eventually he is responsible for the finish as he attacks EC3 resulting in a DQ finish.
- The Miracle claims that as EC3 was not able to pin Matt Hardy (I wonder why?) he will not get a rematch at Slammiversary.
- Allie comes out to serve as the hype woman of Maria, who comes and cuts a promo about the “brighter future” of the knockouts division. This infuriates Gail Kim who makes her way down to the ring to set the record straight and challenge the leader of the knockouts division to a match.
- Grado is determined to teach Al Snow a lesson. Shera just wants to eat lunch
- The BroMans continue to be dumb. The logistics behind the phone call didn’t even make sense, they can’t be that dumb? Oh, wait…
- In an interview, Gail Kim says that Maria is pissing her off and that she is ready to take her down.
AL SNOW def. GRADO (STREET FIGHT)
I have to admit, I really enjoy watching Al Snow. His hypocritical opinion on weapons in matches is a great way to get heat and hiding during Grado’s entrance made me laugh out loud. After a dastardly sneak attack on Grado, Snow immediately goes after the recovering arm of Grado as it is his obvious weak spot. As this match was beginning I was excitedly thinking to myself that this is quite a good start for a comedy match, Snow slowly beats down Grado until he tries a moon sault on the Scotsman, however, he is ultimately unsuccessful which gives Grado a chance in this matchup. From this point on the match becomes a spot fest, from the powder to the chicken leg (I hate wrestling sometimes). Sylvester LeFort (now Basille Baracca) and Marcus Louis (now Baron Dax) come out to the ring to distract Grado allowing Al Snow to pick up the victory. This feud is clearly not over and I am extremely conflicted about how I feel. While I do find the odd moments like Al Snow breaking down in tears at the end of this match funny, the actual matches themselves are very lacklustre and I grow tired of seeing them.
- Matt’s wife Reby tries to talk some sense into him but to no avail. Matt’s kid Maxell is also in this segment. I wonder how Hardy will explain that accent to him in the future.
- Lashley tells the audience that he is pissed about what happened last week on Impact and says that he should be champion right now. Obviously, Drew Galloway is off a different opinion and he swiftly makes his way to the ring to express that. This almost leads to another brawl but President Dixie Carter puts a stop to this announcing that the title match will take place at Slammiversary (wow that’s surprising) in a match that can only be won by knockout or tap out. Oh and they brawl anyway with Lashley standing tall.
TREVOR LEE def. ANDREW EVERETT, DJ Z AND EDDIE EDWARDS (ULTIMATE X)
The matches in the x division are often the highlight of TNA and they have often stolen the show when given the opportunity. This week is no different as the Ultimate X match was definitely the best match on the show. However the fact that we have seen little to none of the x division for a long time really hindered this match. The question of why we even got an Ultimate X match can be asked as we had no build towards this match. All men in the match work a fast and well-paced contest, the spot of the match has to be the top rope hurricanrana, though the DDT from the top rope by DJ Z was very impressive too. Despite Eddie Edwards being the man to remove the belt from the ropes, Trevor Lee is able to retain the title. During the match the seeds for a Helms Dynasty split has been set as Andrew Everett almost goes for the title for himself.
- Maria gives a pep talk to her girls, Allie, and Sienna.
- EC3 is not a man who is easily deterred and he tells The Miracle that. EC3 claims he is about to make a phone call “I do not want to make”.
GAIL KIM def. SIENNA
For this match, the first lady of wrestling Maria and her assistant Allie stand at ringside watching the match in the corner of Sienna. It doesn’t take long for Kanellis to get involved in the match as she helps out Sienna early on at ringside and later in the match up she prevents Gail Kim by hitting her off the top rope. This intervention by Maria is not enough however as Kim is able to pick up the win by a surprise roll up that allows her to keep her job. Gail is particularly impressive in this match, she pulls off some good spots earlier on such as the crossbody from the top rope or the headscissors to the outside of the ring. As for Sienna, I have to admit she has begun to impress me a lot more than her debut did a few weeks back. While she did take the loss here it did not make her look weak and therefore her position in the knockouts division has not changed. This segment ends with a beatenGail Kim lying in the ring surrounded by Maria and her pair of knockouts.
- Matt Hardy’s wife Reby tells Rockstar Spud and Tyrus that they have to beat Jeff to save Matt.
- The BroMans go to meet their Guru that was mentioned earlier and it turns out that this Guru is Raquel (who cannot even wrestle herself), who proceeds to work Robbie and Jessie to the bone.
JEFF HARDY def. TYRUS & ROCKSTAR SPUD
I am very concerned that the only reason that this match was made was to make a fat joke about Tyrus. It legitimately scares me that this is what wrestling has come to. The match begins as Spud lands a surprise attack on Jeff Hardy while he is making his entrance. I couldn’t get into this ladder match. At no point during the 10 minutes that match was going on did it feel like Jeff was going to lose. Tyrus and Rockstar Spud felt like jobbers compared to Hardy and the twist of fate ending on the ladder was weird as the commentary claimed that Jeff was sacrificing his body, but he looked just fine. Well despite my gripes with this match, I cannot argue that the result was necessary, Jeff vs Matt as Slammiversary is going to happen.
FINAL NOTES & SCORE
- Tonight’s MVP: The X Division for proving how good they are in the ring.
- Match of the Night: Ultimate X Match
- Moment of the Night: Double hurricanrana
- Did the TNA writers go to a bad Shakespeare play before writing Matt’s promo?
That’s it for last week’s (sorry for the lateness) episode of Impact. I’m not really sure how to feel about this episode as it had some high such as the Knockouts match and some lows such as the final match. I think I will give this week’s episode a 5/10, very average.
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