Vampire Diaries SN8 E1 – Hello, Brother

vampire-diaries-1

The first episode of the final season started with a couple driving down the road discussing movies.  When suddenly, there’s a guy standing in the middle of the road.  Tires screech, the guy swerves and complains, “Who was that guy?”… then says “What was he doing in the middle of the road?”  I responded, “Oh, no worries.  It’s just Damon, that’s what he does.”  I thought Lucy was going to choke, she was laughing so hard.  We almost missed the car hitting Enzo, because we were giggling hysterically.

After Enzo goes flying over the car, we learn what Damon and Enzo have been up to on their summer vacation.  They’ve been feeding evil people to the monster.  What do you mean “what monster?”… The monster that was in the vault.  Jeebus, do I have to explain everything to you?  Bonnie, Caroline and Stefan are continuing with the “Letters to Elena” bit.  Bonnie takes the pen first, and that’s how we learn what’s in her head and get memories of Bonzo’s Greatest Hits.  Or, at least their discussion of The Odyssey and sirens.

We find out that Ric has been running The Armory for the last few months, and he’s got several interns helping to excavate and look for all  the secrets that The Armory has been hiding for generations… including the mysterious vault.

And, because of a funny conversation between Damon and Enzo, we find out that the monster is controlling them and can get into their minds.  We also learn that Damon has flipped his switch and is on “cruise control”.  Which brings me to the best line/gag of the episode.  This whole discussion has been taking place while Damon is sitting holding a book that he was reading before Enzo started the conversation.  What book is he reading?  50 Shades of Grey!  Enzo says, “So you really have nothing left inside?”  To which Damon quips, “Just my winning sense of humor and a renewed appreciation for chick lit.”

As the episode goes on we learn that Enzo dumped the body of the girl from the car wreck with clues.  Clues that would lead Bonnie to him.  He’s hoping for a rescue, but when Stefan (and Damon gets to say “Hello, brother” again!) and then Bonnie show up, the monster controls Damon and Enzo making them leave.  Shortly after that, we get to hear the siren sing.  Oh wait, did I forget to mention that’s what the monster in the vault was?  Oh sorry, my bad.

Meanwhile at the Caroline/Ric ranch, we learn that they’ve been living apart, but the kids are living with Caroline and being taken care of by a nanny.  Virginia St. John shows up and tries to kill said nanny and the twins.  Caroline shows up just in time (thank you Super Vamp Speed) to save the kids and the nanny.  Virginia then bites off her own tongue and bleeds out rather than answer questions.  Creepy and gross, I know.

They’ve set us up nicely for a great final season.  I can’t wait for the daring rescue of Enzo and Damon, and the subsequent re-flipping of Damon’s humanity switch.  He’s reliving the first time he met Elena over and over in a small portion of his mind so that he’s not completely losing himself.  Bring on next week’s episode!

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