WWE Raw Review: 6.6.16

OPENER

We start the show with a big confrontation in the ring between the MITB ladder match participants. Each of the 6 are placed on ladders as they each get a chance to plead their case as of why they are going to win the MITB ladder match. Once again the star of this segment was Chris Jericho who rightfully points out he is the innovator behind the MITB ladder match but falsely claims he won the 1^st and the 6^th (Edge and Swagger by the way). Well, I say Jericho was the star of the segment, but I was just referring to wrestlers. The real man is someone who is very close to my heart, the mac militant himself Teddy Long. The former Smackdown manager makes his way out to throw his hat into the ring for the possibility of running a live Smackdown come July 19^th (something that would please me immensely). Teddy also tried his hand at booking the 6 men in the ring into a variety of matches, well Stephanie McMahon made her way out in order to put a stop to Teddy’s fantasy booking. Steph claimed that there was no concrete decision on the GM for either show yet and that each of the 6 MITB contenders would be facing each other tonight in singles matches. Overall I loved this opening segment, not only because of the Teddy Long return but also on the ladders each of the 6 showcased their characters extremely well. From what they said to the way they stood while saying it.

CESARO def. JERICHO

The first of our MITB contestant matches was a verY solid contest between the Swiss Superman Cesaro and Y2J Chris Jericho. It feels like I say this every week but once again Cesaro amazed with his athletic ability and technical prowess. His uppercuts looked impactful and the great feats of strength such as the super plex. Jericho was able to keep up with some great moves of his own such as the reversal codebreaker and many dropkicks. Cesaro is able to pick up the win after he swings Jericho into a sharpshooter and made Y2J tap. This was a great match between two great competitors and will take a lot to be topped tonight.

• We get a video package on Seth Rollins’ side of the story between him and Roman Reigns. This details the debut of the Shield, its eventual breakup, Seth’s road to the World Heavyweight Championship and how he lost it. WWE are obviously trying to keep Seth as the top heel but they are going about it in a weird way. On one hand we see Seth as the backstabber of the Shield but on the other we see the WWE24 special.

RUSEV def. JACK SWAGGER       

The United States Champion Rusev takes on hometown hero Jack Swagger tonight in a non-title match. Titus O’Neil joins the announce table for this matchup. The match is fairly balanced to begin with as both men are renowned for their big power moves. The Bulgarian Brute is able to pick up the win by count out after a ginormous collision with Swagger outside the ring, leading to Rusev pushing the Real American into Titus at commentary. The 3 men brawl after the match with Rusev being chased from the ring. It seems that Swagger may have possibly been added to this title contention after this. I guess we will find out. However, my interest in this feud is pretty low as it is clear that Titus and Swagger, if he competes for the title at all, are definitely not going to be the winner as they are obvious paper challengers.

CENA TALKS TO AJ

John Cena makes his way out to the ring and the first thing he does is address how big of a moment last week was. He even compares the electricity with AJ Styles to the same he felt with The Rock. Cena is quick to put this over as a dream match but he is also concerned with Styles’ actions last week and why he thought it was necessary to get the Club involved. Well AJ answers his call and makes his way out with Anderson and Gallows behind him. At first, AJ sticks to what people like Punk and Bryan said to Cena, that he is not as good of a wrestler. Cena is quick to point this out and tells AJ that he has underperformed since coming to the WWE and questions why this feud is Cena vs The Club and not Cena vs Styles. Well AJ has an answer for this too, he tells John that he has done it all over the world and has nothing to prove, but he knows that people like Cena bury people like AJ (META AS FUCK). Styles’ promos as a heel are completely different as a face and his heel work really give him a chance to shine. The numbers are against Cena as he alone has to take on the 3 members of The Club but luckily the New Day come to the rescue making it 4 on 3.

THE VAUDEVILLAINS def. ENZO & CASS (DQ)        

Before Enzo and Cass even come out to the ring we see a replay of the concussion that Enzo suffered at the hands of The Vaudevillains during Payback. After this Enzo and Cass make their way down to the ring and as usual they cut a promo that’ll knock your socks off, this one being very Ali inspired. Enzo then starts the match with Simon Gotch, and Gotch is very quickly able to get the upper hand. Both Gotch and Aiden English take turns in beating down Enzo when English decides that it would be a good idea to recreate said Payback injury. Well, this was one of the worst ideas of all time because it got Cass so enraged that he got himself and Enzo disqualified by beating the living shit out of both of the Vaudevillains. This match was definitely used to heighten the tension between both teams as it is becoming a fierce rivalry. This also demonstrated the bond between Enzo and Cass.

• Tom Phillips interviews Sami Zayn about his upcoming match against former MITB winner Alberto Del Rio. Sami points out how he is the underdog but this win would mean a lot for him. Del Rio makes his way over to put down Zayn’s chances in their match tonight.
• Teddy Long is grooving out to his killer music backstage when he runs into Stephanie and advises her to make a 4-way tag team match at Money in the Bank for the titles. The Vaudevillains vs Enzo and Cass vs The New Day vs The Club. Steph proceeds to kick Teddy out (aww) and steal his idea.

ALBERTO DEL RIO def. SAMI ZAYN

This match never really takes off the way the match between Cesaro and Jericho. Though both Sami and Alberto are world class performers it did not seem to flow as naturally as the first match on the show. Zayn misses his barricade moon sault early on but other spots in this match were well performed such as Zayn’s crossbody and Del Rio’s backstabber. Del Rio is able to reverse the Helluva Kick and pick up the win with his terrible corner stomp finisher.

• Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens confront each other backstage, with Owens trying to get into Ambrose’s head.
• We get the Roman Reigns version of the Sheild promo that played for Seth earlier. Roman’s differs from Seth as it is obviously from the perspective of the face who was betrayed then robbed. Reigns’ video package, like Seth’s, is very good and my hype for the MITB only gets bigger. They will say it until they run out of breath but this is truly a Wrestlemania main event worthy match.

AMBROSE def. KEVIN OWENS

Both Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens started this match at full speed as they have faced each other many times by now so they’re both knowledgeable of the other in the ring. Things get taken outside almost immediately as Owens throws Ambrose over the announce table. The fight continues outside as Owens is attacked as he tries to berate Byron Saxton. Back in the ring, the two men continue to go full speed ahead as they try to end this match quickly. As usual Ambrose’s offense is a mixed bag as most of his moves are smooth but his punches continue to look weak and his lariat clothesline continues to look forced even when countered. Ambrose is the victor of this match after he hits a Dirty Deeds out of nowhere, which felt a little rushed seeing as he was outside the ring being beaten down moments earlier. For me this match was a battle between the two biggest contenders of the MITB ladder match and I would not be surprised if either won the match on June 19^th.

• Another Make Darren Young Great Again video, I wonder what this is actually leading to?

THE DIVAS REVOLUTION IS BROKEN

The Women’s title match at Wrestlemania 32 was a high point for the Women’s division. They had ditched the term Diva and that joke of a belt and the performance they put on was possibly the match of the night. Sadly it has all been downhill since Mania and this segment proved it. This segment can be reduced to two words, bickering women. It’s such a shame that this catty mentality WWE has for women is still around. Also as a side note, no one should be made to perform in a wrestling ring if they are wearing high heels.

TYLER BREEZE vs R-TRUTH (NO CONTEST)

This match between R-Truth and Tyler Breeze goes on for 40 seconds before Goldust and Fandango get involved causing a double DQ and the result is a no contest. This is the feud that will never end people. I fear that in 10 years’ time I will still be watching these 4 wrestle.

• HOLY SHIT IT’S TEDDY LONG. AND 4 PEOPLE IN THE RING. COULD THIS BE A TAG TEAM MATCH? OH GOD HE SAID IT! Wait, security please don’t do this. We need Teddy and his tag team matches.
• Teddy Long is being escorted out of the building and is confronted by Stephanie who reveals that it will be her running Smackdown, not Teddy and not Shane. While this is huge news I am just bummed for Teddy. #TeddyLongRunningSmackdownLive
• The Club are in the middle of the ring when the New Day come out to start their match, beforehand, however, they cut a promo on The Club telling them that the only club that matters is being WWE Tag Team Champions. This leads to a brawl in which Xavier Woods gets hit with a Styles Clash on the outside causing him to miss the 6 man tag.

THE CLUB def. THE NEW DAY

Despite a strong start by Kofi Kingston and The New Day, The Club is able to take advantage using the numbers advantage. Big E specifically got beaten down by The Club as Gallows especially was able to use his size in order to keep Langston away from his corner. Eventually, Big E is able to get to Kingston who mounts an impressive comeback momentarily taking out Anderson and Gallows and hitting an amazing SOS on AJ. However he is unable to get the pin instead AJ picks up the win with a phenomenal forearm.

• After the match, The Club continues to beat on the New Day, but someone comes to their rescue AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! (Sorry). Cena makes the save only to be ambushed by AJ Styles, however, The New Day return the favour as they save Cena from The Club and Raw ends with The New Day standing tall with John Cena.

FINAL NOTES & SCORE

• Tonight’s MVP: Teddy Long
• Match of the night: Cesaro vs Jericho
• Moment of the night: The return of Teddy Long
• I am so sick of the Golden Truth/Breezango
• This MITB is looking amazing despite a weak US match and no IC match so far.

While this Raw was by no means perfect it was definitely an improvement on what we have been getting recently. The Cesaro/Jericho match was a great start, the Cena/AJ feud it really heating up and we even got a surprise return. I give this Raw a 7/10. Holla Holla.

TNA Review: 31.5.2016

OPENER

This week’s TNA opens with Dixie Carter talking to a mystery man who we cannot see due to the camera being on his back. Carter claims that tonight’s show has to be under control and then gives the mystery man complete power over tonight’s episode of Impact (this should go well). The Miracle Mike Bennett and Maria make their way out to the ring to complain about this as they feel that they are the rightful choice to take control. Bennett calls out whoever is in charge of Impact wrestling tonight and before he can even finish his sentence he is answered by tonight’s manager, my personal hero, Ethan Carter III. EC3 reveals that in order to keep The Miracle in prime condition for their match at Slammiversary he is giving him the night off from wrestling. He does not have the night off from work however as he has been giving toilet cleaning duties and his very own mop and bucket. Carter also tells Maria that her position as head of the knockouts division is currently under review. Strangely Lashley makes his way out of the ring to confront EC3. No idea why, but we also find out that the Ass Kicking Machine has delegated his power to Drew Galloway regarding Lashley’s opponent tonight. Is this power hierarchy going to go on forever?

• EC3 and Mike Bennett evaluate the toilet situation. “Poop jokes are funny” seems to be the motto for tonight.
• Galloway tells Lashley that his opponent for tonight is the King of the Mountain champion

BRAM def. LASHLEY (DQ)

Bram and Lashley are two big competitors so it comes to the surprise of nobody that this is an extremely physical matchup, with the two preferring to trade blows rather than wrestle a technical style. While both can be classed as powerhouses the two demonstrated very different styles as Bram showed his brawler background whereas Lashley used his athleticism and speed for effect. The Destroyer seemed confused by the madness that is Bram and after his attacks did little to discourage Bram, Lashley went for the chair and giving Bram a DQ win. Lashley proceeds to spear Bram two times before Drew Galloway came to defend his chosen wrestler, chasing the destroyer out of the building. What happened to Bram then? 3 syllables, E-LI DRAKE.

ELI DRAKE def. BRAM (KOTM CHAMPIONSHIP)

Eli Drake makes his way down to the ring (with no crowd reaction) and cashes in his money in the bank replica briefcase. Drake goes for the immediate pin on Bram but due to the wait between the most recent spear, he is able to kick out. Bram tries to fight the good fight but the damage has been done and Eli Drake walks away the winner (again with no crowd reaction). Both men came off looking good here, Drake looked the like cowardly heel who waited for the opportune moment to cash in and Bram looked like a tough champion who wouldn’t go down without a fight.

• We see the BroMans with Raquel. Basically, she’s hot, and that’s all we need to know apparently.
• EC3 commends The Miracle on a job well done and after we see Earl Hebner finish taking a shit (you got there pretty quick Earl, you just reffed a match) EC3 tells Bennett that he is reffing the next match.
• Eli Drake is a smug jerk backstage and it is glorious.
• Later tonight we will see the events that took place at Matt Hardy’s home between him and his brother Jeff. What the fuck is Matt doing? Please stop.

THE BROMANS def. SPUD & TYRUS

As EC3 ordered this match is referred by The Miracle Mike Bennett who does not seem too thrilled about his newly appointed role. It is also revealed by commentary that the winner of this match will be the number one contender’s for the tag team championship at Slammiversary. The team of Spud and Tyrus is all of 1 week old as an official tag team so it’s pretty bad that they are a go to team for a title shot. Who else is there I guess? The BroMans have early momentum as Robbie E and Godderz are able to dominate Rockstar Spud. After an early pin attempt, it is clear that the special guest referee is not committed to acting as an impartial and fair official. Tyrus is able to gain the upper hand but ultimately the BroMans are able to prevail with help from Raquel. This match is saved by Mike Bennett, whose complete lack of care makes it fun to watch.

• EC3 interrupts a call between Billy Corgan and Maria the job evaluation is next.
• EC3 joins Maria and her band of followers in the ring but immediately makes Sienna and Allie leave the ring as he wants to speak to Maria one on one. EC3 sets up a match at Slammiversary between Maria and Gail Kim (which has been a long time coming) and also a match tonight, Gail Kim and Jade vs Sienna and Allie.

JADE & GAIL KIM def. SIENNA & ALLIE

Allie’s screaming has to be the most annoying sound in the history of the human race. I know that is the point as it gets her heat but it pissed me off so much. Also, why are the commentators and the rest of TNA trying to act like Allie has never wrestled before? Most people know that she is Cherry Bomb and has even wrestled and won in TNA before. Jade and Kim worked like they were their own tag team and completely outclassed the other team in the ring. After a package piledriver, Jade & Kim pick up the win and it was clear Allie was there just to eat the pin.

• I’m going to talk about the Matt and Jeff stuff at the end of this review. I need to go through it in detail.
• Mike Bennett has had enough of EC3 and his orders. In response, EC3 puts Bennett in a match with James Storm.

MIKE BENNETT def. JAMES STORM         

I have to question the booking of this match. The in-ring action was solid as both Storm and Bennett are solid workers, but James Storm looked dominant for the most part despite having no reason for this. Storm is not in a programme during this time and Bennett might have got the win but he could have used this match to make himself look strong going into Slammiversary. As I mentioned the match was solid with some goof brawling between The Miracle and The Cowboy, as well as some fiery offense from Storm, Bennett ultimately gets the win with a schoolboy after a distraction from Maria.

• EC3 tells Bennett that the games are over and come Slammiversary Carter will end this feud by beating the Miracle. This rivalry is definitely heating up as we approach its conclusion.
• Al Snow introduces the Tribunal, he is still claiming that he is winning using no weapons only wrestling moves (bullshit). Pretty soon Grado and Shera come out to interrupt Snow and tell him that he is a liar. We get a few old man jokes and I hate myself for watching this segment.
• Video package introducing Braxton Sutter. Not much to say.
• Lashley reveals Drew Galloway will be facing Decay in a handicap match.

DREW GALLOWAY def. THE DECAY

Now this match could have possibly worked if they had used a different team, not that there is an abundance in TNA. However at no time is it ever necessary to job out your TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS to one guy. No matter who that person is. This made Decay look like fools as they are unable to defeat one man, even if that is the world champion. If you wanted to kill any interest in the BroMans match anymore then this was it. Rosemary even got involved in the matchmaking it 3 on 1 meaning this win was even more unnecessary.

AN ATROCITY OF A SEGMENT

So I saved THAT segment last because I needed to do a detailed review of the entirety of the video package not just cut up parts. Where do I start? Everyone else has been talking about this all week and I don’t know what else I can say. Let me just start off by saying that this fucking accent that Matt Hardy is doing has to fucking stop. What is it? Seriously it’s bloody stupid. Second thing is that this might be one of the worst shot things I have ever seen whether it be in film, television or professional wrestling. Hell, most home videos have better camera angles (maybe that’s what this was meant to be the entire time). Also, some of the shots definitely could be redone. Matt rolling out of the ring and getting caught in the ropes was absolutely hilarious. Now while the directing is bad, the acting is terrible and the accent is even worse there is one underlying problem with this. That is that the entire premise is fucking ridiculous. Why is this happening? What is Reby doing with a fake baby? Why does Matt love the piano so much? WHY WAS THE GARDENER INVOLVED? I’m so done this week.

FINAL NOTES & SCORE

• Technically the blame for this terrible show should be laid at the feet of EC3 as he was in control tonight. However I will let him pass as not only am I a giant fanboy but his parts were genuinely the best
• I have only just realised how much Mike Bennett looks like Aaron Paul
• I have watched the contract signing video and the parody video a combined 100 times by now. Doesn’t make it easier.

Where do I start with this week’s show? It was bad. The matches were poorly booked, the time code was badly used and the contract signing was a new low. I give this week a 3/10

Brock Lesnar Returns For UFC 200

So it has been announced today that Brock Lesnar will be returning to the UFC for his first fight since his loss to Alistair Overeem back in December 2011 at UFC 141. Lesnar will be taking on Mark Hunt at UFC 200 and here is what he had to say about finding out his opponent.

“Why not? It could be anybody. I didn’t care,” Lesnar said of the announcement. “If Dana White called me and said, ‘You have opponent X, Y, and Z, who do you want?’ He never gave me those options. This is the guy that we want you to face, I said, ‘Great. This is what I’m going to do.'”

Lesnar record in the UFC before illness forced to retire from the Ocatgon included a 4-3 streak and a 2 time defense of his Heavyweight title. Mark Hunt is currently on a 2 fight winning streak both via knock out his latest being a first round knock out of Frank Mir.

The UFC 200 even is due to take place on the 9th of July at the Las Vegas T-Mobile centre. The event will feature the light heavy weight title unification fight between Jon ‘Bones@ Jones and Daniel Corimer.

Snuka Ruled Mentally Incompetent To Stand Trial

For those of you like me that have not heard of Jimmy Snuka untill now, he was a professional wrestler for several promotions from 1970s to 1990s but most known for his time in the World Wrestling Federation (WWF now WWE) in the early to mid 1980 and is credited with introducing the high-flying style of Wrestling to the WWF and was inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame in 1996.

Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka  – Photo courtesy of Sportkeeda.com

So why is he on trial and why is he not mentally fit to stand trial?

Jimmy Snuka – Photo courtesy of cnn.com

Well it goes back to May 10, 1983, after defeating José Estrada at a WWF TV taping at the Lehigh County Agricultural Hall in Allentown, Pennsylvania, Snuka placed a call for an ambulance, when emergency personnel arrived at Snuka’s room at the George Washington Motor Lodge, they found that his girlfriend, Nancy Argentino had been injured. Nancy was transported to Allentown’s Sacred Heart Medical Center, where she died shortly after of “undetermined craniocerebral injuries”. The coroner’s report stated that Miss Argentino, 23, died of traumatic brain injuries consistent with a moving head striking a stationary object. The autopsy findings show Miss Argentino suffered more than two dozen cuts and bruises – a possible sign of “mate abuse” (Domestic violence) – on her head, ear, chin, arms, hands, back, buttocks, legs and feet. The forensic pathologists at the time Isidore Mihalakis who preformed the autopsy, wrote that the case should be investigated as a homicide untill proven otherwise.

Snuka & Nancy – Photo courtesy of mcall.com

Snuka was the only suspect involved in the subsequent investigation, although charges were not pressed at the time against Snuka, the case was left officially open. In 1985, Argentino ‘s parents won a $500,000 default judgment against Snuka in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia but Snuka appears not to have ever paid, claiming financial inability to do so. On June 28, 2013, Lehigh County District Attorney Jim Martin announced that the still-open case would be reviewed by his staff. On January 28, 2014, Martin announced that the case had been turned over to a grand jury.

Nancy Argentino – Photo courtesy of  The Daily Beast

On September 1, 2015, 32 years after the incident, Snuka was arrested and charged with third-degree murder and involuntary manslaughter for Argentino’s death. It is the oldest case to result in charges in Lehigh County history. On October 7, Snuka’s lawyers agreed to forgo a preliminary hearing, which would be a waste of court resources, given the thorough grand jury investigation. In return, they received transcripts and other evidence from that investigation.

Crime scene – Photo courtesy of NY Daily News

On November 2, Snuka pleaded not guilty before judge Kelly Banach. A hearing to determine Snuka’s competency for trial began in May 2016. Snuka’s Attorneys argue that in May 2015 a forensic psychologist found Snuka’s mental and physical health to be deteriorating but prosecutors countered by showing a tape of Snuka performing wrestling moves at a May 2015 match. On June 1, 2016 a judge ruled that Snuka is not mentally competent to stand trial for the murder and that a new hearing will be held is six months to re-evaluate his competency, though his attorneys maintain that his condition won’t improve over time.

Jimmy Snuka – Photo courtesy of topropepress.com

Well clearly someone dropped the ball on this case 32 years ago and that in itself raises questions; in particular – how were charges NOT brought against him given Argentino’s injuries and the fact he was the ONLY suspect? So he is deemed incompetent to stand trial, and given his health I doubt he will ever be deemed fit for trial nor will he see the inside of jail cell. In my opinion he should stand trial with Ill health or not, If he was truly innocent of this crime then wouldn’t he want to protest and prove his innocence? To me its seems like the usual act, but this has gone on long enough for the Argentino family, they need answers after all its been 32 years of not knowing,  I’m not a parent but I couldn’t imagine how heartbreaking the last 32 years has been and now even more so as they open old wounds.

The NXT Review – June 2nd 2016 – “You Talk Too Much”

Whats up Wrestling Peeps! With just one week away from TakeOver:The End, the hype-machine was in full gear as we march towards NXT’s Network exclusive PPV. Which meant that The Revival got some mic-time which besides the usual “we’re gonna beat you” rhetoric, actually reminded me that these pair are pretty decent talkers.

With their program against the Tag Champs American Alpha already set-in-stone – I just want the damn match already – all I heard was ‘blah blah blah’ when it came to The Revival putting down their competitors. That being said, Dawson telling an interfering Tommaso Ciampa & Johnny Gargano to “go back to the Bingo Halls“, was pretty dope indeed. Even if it earn the ‘Top Guys’ a beat down and a main event match for their troubles.

What a specimen The Perfect 10 Tye Dillinger is. For a guy that laps up every inch of screen time he gets, he doesn’t get nearly enough of it in my eyes.

His match against a newly single and first name revived Buddy Murphy was surprisingly good. My shock isn’t a knock on either of these guys proven talents in-between the ropes, but rather my inexperience in seeing Murphy work a singles match for a long time.

His first singles effort was all for not however because without Blake & Alexa Bliss by his side, he fell to the Perfect 10. But then again, Murphy wasn’t winning with his friends in the corner anyway, so a new low for Murphy perhaps?

I just hope this the long game in bringing Blake & Murphy back to prominence atop the Tag Division. If Blake is to lose his next singles match, perhaps it will signal a renewed belief that together they are stronger rather than apart.

Like a DNA Digivolve or something. OMG, new gimmick!

Again a superior superstar matching up against Elias Samson has forced my hand in speaking about The Drifter. Urgh, I’m so over this boring gimmick. No I take that back, it’s not the gimmick, it’s the holding pattern that Samson is forced to take in-being labeled with this drifter moniker.

The gimmick itself has legs. For every match Samson appears in he could display something he has learned  from being on the road. An attitude, a unique move or even a character flaw, like a fear of fire or something. Akin to The Hound from Game of Thrones … he does look like him, slightly.

Just show us something besides that Damn Guitar already.

I would be remiss not to mention Austin Aires during my ranty-rant. Aires finally has a fire lit under his butt going into his match against Shinsuke Nakamura. A match that could potentially steal the show, a show that includes a Steel Cage Championship match no-less.

Oh, I like Dash Wilder’s new Red Jacket, is this a thing now? Can’t complain, its nice to be able to distinguish between the two.

Okay first, ouch! That knee from Ciampa to the side of Dawson’s head … just ouch! This was a great match, and I speak as a de-tractor of The Revival. Not that they aren’t great in the ring, because yeah obviously. But tonight is the first time they have proven they are more than just flying-fists. Perhaps it was the shocker of being great on the mic as mentioned earlier. I dunno, yet I see why WWE is pushing the Old school pair.

That didn’t stop them from losing however. And in a display of great sportsmanship, the pair proceed to beat-down Gargano & Ciampa before a save from American Alpha.

With so much heat between these two tag teams, next week’s TakeOver will be a war.

Contract signings are fun no? I mean, we all know that scarcely a table ever survives the ceremony and no-one ever brings up the fact that it’s perfectly okay for these things to, you know, occur off-screen in a non-violent situation.

I’m just saying, a case for negligence could be called into question against Mr. William Regal. But then again, would you dare stop either of these women from killing each other?

Without question, Nia Jax Vs Asuka has been a match I’ve been eager to see. Besides the obvious penance for violence both possess, it’s actually their contrasting wrestling styles that I’m excited to view.

After Asuka’s last TakeOver match against Bayley, I was part of the vocal minority that found the match awkward. For me, the pair’s in-ring style didn’t gel, with many spots feeling incoherent and sloppy. Rather than blaming Asuka I defend the fact it’s because she is one of the more unique Women performers in NXT today. So finding a partner that can match up to her skill-set is going to be hard.

Before her move onto the Main Roster, Emma fit that bill. The many matches she had with the Empress of Tomorrow were some of the best that Emma has had since day one in WWE. Catapulting not only herself into the fans conscience but helping in getting a newly signed Asuka over. Can Nia Jax step up to the plate?

If not, NXT will have to find someone who can match-up against Asuka or her days as NXT Women’s Champion may be short-lived.

For all your NXT News & Reviews, stick with @mitch_rated only on Skatronixxx

WWE Raw Review: 30th May 2016

OPENER

So it has been a big week in the world of WWE, with news of the brand extension, every wrestling fan has been hoping for some concrete answers during this week’s Monday Night Raw. Naturally to start the show we have Shane and Stephanie McMahon come out to formally make the announcement and discuss the news with the crowd. Luckily the questions we have been dying to ask are presented to the McMahon’s in the form of the New Day, such questions as, who will lead what brand? And what will happen to our favourite superstars (such as the New Day)? So did we get any answers? No. However, we got a Game of Thrones reference from Big E which always makes me happy. The segment predictably provided no solid answers however these big questions are being acknowledged so that’s a start. The segment comes to a close with a dance off between Shane and Stephanie, Shane O Mac had some nice foot movement but the entrance of the Vaudevillains prevents us from seeing Stephanie throw some moves.

NEW DAY vs VAUDEVILLAINS (NO CONTEST)

Despite suffering a defeat at Extreme Rules, the Vaudevillains are still seen as a contender for the titles it seems as they have a chance at redemption in this match with the New Day. The most striking moment of this match had to be when JBL mentioned Gloryholes live on the air (if you don’t know what it is look it up unless you are <18), I wonder what his search history looks like. After this aforementioned gloryhole, the Vaudevillains are able to regain some control as Simon Gotch is able to wear down Kofi Kingston. Both teams tag in their partners into the ring and the momentum changes as Big E dominates Aiden English. The match, unfortunately, does not last long after this point as Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson come down to attack first Xavier Woods, then the rest of the New Day. The match ends in a no contest.

• In an interview Anderson and Gallows tell Renee that they are “putting the tag team division on notice”, starting with the New Day. It seems that The Club are being pushed as a dominant tag team which is about time. Could they be the ones to dethrone the New Day?
• Big Show gives a pep talk to Apollo Crews after his beat down by Sheamus the week before. I notice that there is a conveniently located Warcraft poster in the room. I wonder if that will be mentioned in tonight’s episode (Spoilers, it will).

THE USOS def. BREEZANGO

For this match, the commentary team is joined by the Golden Truth, who are up to their usual antics. R-Truth is clueless, thinking that Byron is Jonathan Coachman, and Goldust is trying to justify that despite losing twice they are not two-time losers. Yes, they are. Predictably the jobbers that Tyler Breeze and Fandango are, lose to the Usos after Jey Uso uses a crucifix roll-up to pick up the victory. After this it seems that Breezango blames their defeat on the Golden Truth and try to ambush them at commentary, however, their plan backfires after some good teamwork from Truth and Goldust. The question is does anyone care about this angle yet? Me neither.

• WWE Champion Roman Reigns makes his way down to the ring, amidst the muted boos from the crowd (great work Kevin!). He criticizes Seth for being a coward while calling himself The Man, then we get the exact fucking same “The Guy” speech we have heard 1000 times by now. The next 4 minutes is taken up by Seth Rollins teasing a brawl but not actually going to the ring. I love Seth but this was not needed.

RUSEV def. ZACK RYDER                

You can’t keep Zack Ryder down it seems. Despite being a jobber for years and then having his IC title ripped away after 1 night, he is still a clear crowd favourite, shown in this match. Ryder gets a surprising amount of offense against Rusev, such as the broski boot and a diving dropkick from the second rope. However, the Bulgarian brute continues his dominant run after a missed rough ryder allows him to put the accolade onto Ryder forcing him to tap. After the match, Rusev tells the crowd that they are weak like all Americans and he should be what they aspire to be. This angers Titus O’Neil who claims that “he has some nerve to say this on Memorial Day” and the two end up brawling. I wonder if Titus will use his signature grab on Rusev anytime soon so he can finish this.

• The Shining Stars invite everyone to Puerto Rico. Again. How long before these guys are jobbing on Main Event?
• Stephanie absolutely destroys Charlotte backstage calling her an “embarrassment”. It’s god damn brutal to watch. Charlotte is definitely being set up to fall and it is only a matter of time before she does.

ENZO & CASS def. DUDLEY BOYS

If you ever want to see actual evidence that Enzo Amore and Big Cass are the most gifted tag team on the mic then just watch the promo the cut before this match. They somehow get a how you doing chant alongside Big Cass naming different types of cheese. They truly have the gift of gab. Enzo and Cass play to their strengths against the Dudley Boys. Cass looks dominating in the ring and his big boot looks like it is about to knock someone’s head clean off. Enzo is able to work the crowd like an expert as his wild mannerisms get both the Dudley’s and the crowd riled up. The Dudley’s are able to maintain a level of control however as they beat down Enzo during the middle of the match, as usual, Enzo’s helping hand comes in the form of a size 16 boot as Cass decimates the competition. Enzo & Cass are able to pick up the win after a rocket launcher on D-Von. E&C have beat the Dudley Boys countless of times at this point, I wonder how long they will stretch this out, not that I mind watching Enzo and Cass.

• Dean Ambrose, Sami Zayn, and Cesaro talk strategy for tonight’s 6 man tag match and it seems that no one likes Canadians.

10 YEARS IN THE MAKING

IT’S JOHN CENA! Wow, I really never thought I would say this, but Jesus Christ I have missed Cena. John gives a very emotional Memorial Day speech but also claims that despite being gone he will not be forgotten as the new era comes in. After this speech, the one, and only AJ Styles make his way to the ring. This moment was absolutely amazing, as a fan of both WWE and TNA I have been waiting for these two to face off for over a decade now and I hate to use this word but seeing it in person was surreal. The pair does shake hands but is interrupted by AJ’S former friends The Club. As Cena and Styles prepare to take on Anderson and Gallows, AJ attacks Cena from behind. It seems that The Club has never really been apart as they dismantle John Cena. It may have taken a heel turn to make it happen but a Cena/Styles feud has finally happened and I couldn’t be happier.

DANA BROOKE def. NATALYA     

Natalya has been wrestling for how long now? She has been on the roster for 8 years, and she has been wrestling years before that. So then why does she never learn? Natalya is constantly losing by distraction, and it makes her look like a fool. After losing by distraction to Dana Brooke, she is set upon by Brooke and Charlotte. Luckily the Lass Kicker Becky Lynch comes down to drive back Charlotte and Dana and help Natalya. This run in seems to suggest another feud between Becky and that Charlotte is near untouchable and they are waiting for Sasha Banks to return to knock her down. This means that they are setting up Becky for yet another failure.

• Jojo interviews Dolph Ziggler who claims that he didn’t give his all at Extreme Rules and that Baron Corbin had to use a low blow to win (so what? It was a no DQ match, he had every right). Ziggler then tries to recreate the famous 1004 holds speech from Chris Jericho.

BARON CORBIN def. DOLPH ZIGGLER (DQ)

Once both Ziggler and Corbin made their way down to the ring they prepared for the match ahead, with Ziggler going a little old school. Dolph puts on his headgear and puts in his mouthpiece, as it seems that we are getting ready for a technical masterclass from the show-off. However after the bell rings Dolph goes straight for the dick kick getting disqualified in a move that even Chris Jericho would be proud of. This was pretty funny I have to admit but seeing that Dolph is the heel it didn’t make much sense, other than to pay homage to Jericho.

• The Miz talks about Marine 5, from the Oscar-winning WWE studios, who brought you such great films as Citizen Kane and Casablanca
• Like with the face 3 man tag earlier the heel team of Jericho, Kevin Owens and Alberto Del Rio gather for a team talk, though this one is not as civil as the one we saw earlier.

ZAYN, AMBROSE & CESARO def. OWENS, JERICHO & DEL RIO

Cesaro opens tonight’s main event with a train of uppercuts. He continues to look impressive as he makes Del Rio, Jericho and Owens eat an uppercut. Tonight’s main event was definitely the match of the night, it provided the best in-ring work (hardly surprising considering all 6 men in the match) and there was a story for each person individually. The face tag team all had an agenda as they wanted to take out certain members of the heel group, and the heel group similarly wanted to take out the faces, while suffering from infighting within the team. While Owens, Cesaro and Ambrose all looked good in this match the real star was Chris Jericho. The Ayatollah of rock n rolla is 45 years old yet not only can he work the crowd second to none, but he is also able to keep up with men 15 years his junior in the ring. The crowd chanting stupid idiot and the lariat clothesline reversal into a codebreaker are definitely the two highlights of the match for me. In the end, it is the face team that is able to pick up the victory after Dean Ambrose hits the dirty deeds on Kevin Owens. This match was a very good Raw main event and the MITB ladder match is being set up very well for 3 weeks’ time. Of the 6 men confirmed for the match you can make a case for at least 4 of them winning the match and though there are clear favourites, I am definitely excited to see the outcome.

FINAL NOTES & SCORE

• Tonight’s MVP: Chris Jericho
• Match of the Night: The 6 man main event
• Moment of the Night: Everything about the Styles/Cena segment
• Just a reminder that JBL said gloryhole on national television
• The Dolph Jericho character tonight makes me miss heel Ziggler.
• I’m begging for a draft special on the network. It is set up perfectly.

This week’s episode had some few amazing high moments (I will never stop gushing about Styles and Jericho) but everywhere else the show was lacking as it felt like nothing really happened. The same usual feuds were carried on and there was only one stand out match. I give this week’s Raw a 5.5/10.

TNA Review: 24th May 2016

Matt looks how I feel

OPENER

Welcome to this week’s review of TNA Impact Wrestling, last week we were left with a standoff after the lumberjack world championship match between Lashley and Galloway, this week we see the fallout of that and more. So with that said let me jump into a review with a very serious question. What the fuck has happened to Matt Hardy? He comes out in front of the TNA crowd and announces that he has “evolved”, whatever that means. For some unknown reason, he is speaking with a seriously strange accent which I can’t quite place. Matt goes on to tell the audience that if “Brother Nero” signs the contract for their match at Slammiversary then he is signing his own deaths sentence. Crazy Victorian poet Matt Hardy isn’t alone for long as his former followers Rockstar Spud and Tyrus make their way out to the ring, clearly as freaked out as I am. After the pleading from Spud and Tyrus, Matt decides that if they can defeat Jeff Hardy in a ladder match tonight he will not fight him at Slammiversary, if they fail, however, Matt will no longer associate himself with the pair. I have another serious question. Where the hell is Dixie Carter? In kayfabe (and real life) she has to be the worst authority figure out there, the wrestlers seem to have all the power.

EC3 def. MATT HARDY

The match opens with Matt quickly gaining the upper hand on EC3, driving him into the corner and savagely beating on him, a fitting move set for his change of character. Other than that, however, this is a standard match for an aging Hardy, he uses the same move set he always does and is quite slow in doing so. EC3 however as usual is on good form and noticeably quicker than his opponent. The match continues for roughly 5 minutes before Mike Bennett makes his way out to observe the matchup and eventually he is responsible for the finish as he attacks EC3 resulting in a DQ finish.

• The Miracle claims that as EC3 was not able to pin Matt Hardy (I wonder why?) he will not get a rematch at Slammiversary.
• Allie comes out to serve as the hype woman of Maria, who comes and cuts a promo about the “brighter future” of the knockouts division. This infuriates Gail Kim who makes her way down to the ring to set the record straight and challenge the leader of the knockouts division to a match.
• Grado is determined to teach Al Snow a lesson. Shera just wants to eat lunch
• The BroMans continue to be dumb. The logistics behind the phone call didn’t even make sense, they can’t be that dumb? Oh, wait…
• In an interview, Gail Kim says that Maria is pissing her off and that she is ready to take her down.

AL SNOW def. GRADO (STREET FIGHT)

I have to admit, I really enjoy watching Al Snow. His hypocritical opinion on weapons in matches is a great way to get heat and hiding during Grado’s entrance made me laugh out loud. After a dastardly sneak attack on Grado, Snow immediately goes after the recovering arm of Grado as it is his obvious weak spot. As this match was beginning I was excitedly thinking to myself that this is quite a good start for a comedy match, Snow slowly beats down Grado until he tries a moon sault on the Scotsman, however, he is ultimately unsuccessful which gives Grado a chance in this matchup. From this point on the match becomes a spot fest, from the powder to the chicken leg (I hate wrestling sometimes). Sylvester LeFort (now Basille Baracca) and Marcus Louis (now Baron Dax) come out to the ring to distract Grado allowing Al Snow to pick up the victory. This feud is clearly not over and I am extremely conflicted about how I feel. While I do find the odd moments like Al Snow breaking down in tears at the end of this match funny, the actual matches themselves are very lacklustre and I grow tired of seeing them.

• Matt’s wife Reby tries to talk some sense into him but to no avail. Matt’s kid Maxell is also in this segment. I wonder how Hardy will explain that accent to him in the future.
• Lashley tells the audience that he is pissed about what happened last week on Impact and says that he should be champion right now. Obviously, Drew Galloway is off a different opinion and he swiftly makes his way to the ring to express that. This almost leads to another brawl but President Dixie Carter puts a stop to this announcing that the title match will take place at Slammiversary (wow that’s surprising) in a match that can only be won by knockout or tap out. Oh and they brawl anyway with Lashley standing tall.

TREVOR LEE def. ANDREW EVERETT, DJ Z AND EDDIE EDWARDS (ULTIMATE X)

The matches in the x division are often the highlight of TNA and they have often stolen the show when given the opportunity. This week is no different as the Ultimate X match was definitely the best match on the show. However the fact that we have seen little to none of the x division for a long time really hindered this match. The question of why we even got an Ultimate X match can be asked as we had no build towards this match. All men in the match work a fast and well-paced contest, the spot of the match has to be the top rope hurricanrana, though the DDT from the top rope by DJ Z was very impressive too. Despite Eddie Edwards being the man to remove the belt from the ropes, Trevor Lee is able to retain the title. During the match the seeds for a Helms Dynasty split has been set as Andrew Everett almost goes for the title for himself.

• Maria gives a pep talk to her girls, Allie, and Sienna.
• EC3 is not a man who is easily deterred and he tells The Miracle that. EC3 claims he is about to make a phone call “I do not want to make”.

GAIL KIM def. SIENNA

For this match, the first lady of wrestling Maria and her assistant Allie stand at ringside watching the match in the corner of Sienna. It doesn’t take long for Kanellis to get involved in the match as she helps out Sienna early on at ringside and later in the match up she prevents Gail Kim by hitting her off the top rope. This intervention by Maria is not enough however as Kim is able to pick up the win by a surprise roll up that allows her to keep her job. Gail is particularly impressive in this match, she pulls off some good spots earlier on such as the crossbody from the top rope or the headscissors to the outside of the ring. As for Sienna, I have to admit she has begun to impress me a lot more than her debut did a few weeks back. While she did take the loss here it did not make her look weak and therefore her position in the knockouts division has not changed. This segment ends with a beatenGail Kim lying in the ring surrounded by Maria and her pair of knockouts.

• Matt Hardy’s wife Reby tells Rockstar Spud and Tyrus that they have to beat Jeff to save Matt.
• The BroMans go to meet their Guru that was mentioned earlier and it turns out that this Guru is Raquel (who cannot even wrestle herself), who proceeds to work Robbie and Jessie to the bone.

JEFF HARDY def. TYRUS & ROCKSTAR SPUD

I am very concerned that the only reason that this match was made was to make a fat joke about Tyrus. It legitimately scares me that this is what wrestling has come to. The match begins as Spud lands a surprise attack on Jeff Hardy while he is making his entrance. I couldn’t get into this ladder match. At no point during the 10 minutes that match was going on did it feel like Jeff was going to lose. Tyrus and Rockstar Spud felt like jobbers compared to Hardy and the twist of fate ending on the ladder was weird as the commentary claimed that Jeff was sacrificing his body, but he looked just fine. Well despite my gripes with this match, I cannot argue that the result was necessary, Jeff vs Matt as Slammiversary is going to happen.

FINAL NOTES & SCORE

• Tonight’s MVP: The X Division for proving how good they are in the ring.
• Match of the Night: Ultimate X Match
• Moment of the Night: Double hurricanrana
• Did the TNA writers go to a bad Shakespeare play before writing Matt’s promo?

That’s it for last week’s (sorry for the lateness) episode of Impact. I’m not really sure how to feel about this episode as it had some high such as the Knockouts match and some lows such as the final match. I think I will give this week’s episode a 5/10, very average.

The Social Outcasts Announced As Stars Of ‘The Marine 5: Battleground’

Watch out Tom Cruise, Chris Pratt and Robert Downey Jr.! You fellas may have some competition in the acting world now.

A few days ago, it was announced that Heath Slater, Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel will be starring alongside the Miz, Maryse and Naomi in ‘The Marine 5: Battleground’. This news surprised and confused many people but for me personally, I was ecstatic. For those who don’t know, the Social Outcasts are my favorite part of WWE TV every week. They are fantastic at what they do!

Just watch this week’s episode of Main Event and see how wonderful these guys are at what they do. On Main Event, they had stolen Xavier Woods’ ring gear so he had to compete in Big E’s gear. On top of that, they came out to a New Day style entrance with Dallas, Axel and Slater backstage screaming like Big E. The difference was they were not even sure what town they were in.

These three men are perfect in the roles they are currently in. It’s a shame everything happened with Adam Rose because he was great in the role as well. Unfortunately I feel these men go unappreciated, so let’s take a look at each of these three men!

Heath Slater is the biggest WWE veteran of the three. He’s been with WWE since the first season of NXT and would eventually join groups like The Nexus and The Corre. After those groups, he went out on his own and I must say he became my favorite part of Raw every week. On the way to Raw’s 1,000th episode, Slater would face the likes of Doink the Clown, Bob Backlund and many others. He consistently stole the show and it showed that WWE had a lot of faith in him in that role.

He then joined 3MB along with Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. Slater ended up being the only one left with WWE after the group ended. After that, he had a memorable win in the main event of Raw against Seth Rollins thanks to help from Dean Ambrose. Slater then spent time with Titus O’Neil as Slater Gator. They disbanded when Darren Young came back from an injury. Slater now seems to be the leader of The Social Outcasts and its great to see him on my TV every week again. Slater excels at everything he does and may just be the most underrated performer in all of WWE.

Let’s look at Curtis Axel now.

Curtis Axel is a third-generation superstar and the son of Curt Hennig. He originally showed up on WWE TV on the second season of the original NXT. He was stuck with and awful name and never given many opportunities. He spent a good amount of years as that character but then things changed.

One day he became Curtis Axel and he was beating the likes of Triple H. He became Intercontinental Champ quickly after that. Since then, he has been in tag teams with Ryback and Damien Sandow. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I loved Sandow and Axel as Hogan and Macho Man. I honestly feel they would still be doing that gimmick today if the whole Hulk Hogan scandal did not happen. But now, Axel is in The Social Outcasts and able to show his worth next to Dallas and Slater.

Last but certainly not least is Bo Dallas aka my spiritual savior and the greatest man who ever lived.

For those who do not know, Bo Dallas is my favorite wrestler in the world today and he has been for many years. He first showed up on the new version of NXT as arguably the most hateable babyface of all time. A fantastic change was eventually made to the character in which he still thought he was a good guy but did bad guy type actions inside and out of the ring. He was given a long run as NXT champ but wasn’t given much to do on the main roster prior to joining The Social Outcasts. I must say that I’m very happy for Dallas that he is part of a group that appears on television on a consistent basis.

It will be interesting to see these three in a WWE film. For every John Cena and The Miz, you get a Mr. Kennedy or a Ted DiBiase. Who know if one of these men could be the next Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. All I know is, I BOlieve!

Smackdown – 26/05/2016

After an enjoyable Extreme Rules, welcome back to our regularly scheduled Smackdown. Tonight we continue with the Money In The Bank qualifiers. For those that missed out on Raw, so far Sami Zayn, Cesaro, Dean Ambrose, Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens are qualified for the match. Two more places are open for qualification.

We open with a promo from Michael Cole, setting the scene for MITB and introducing Dean Ambrose as his guest for an interview. Ambrose gloats about crushing Jericho before being interrupted by Kevin Owens. I’m always down for KO mocking Cole. Owens refers back to the Wrestlemania ladder match and how he’ll get up the ladder this time before getting interrupted by Sami Zayn. Ambrose reminds people that he’s still there by supporting Zayn’s mocking of KO, ‘he’s right, nobody cares’. After telling Owens about how he’s focused on the prize this time rather than KO, we get another interruption as Former MITB winner Alberto Del Rio emerges. As Del Rio explains why he’ll win the match, Zayn drops some spoilers and reveals that Del Rio will be the next qualifier, ‘You’re not even in the match, you have to beat Zack Ryder‘. This reminder of Ryder’s burial pisses off KO, as he starts a brawl in the ring to end the segment.

Alberto Del Rio vs Zack Ryder

This fight seems like more of a formality than a real matchup, from the get go Del Rio has complete control over the match, with only a few impressive moves proving otherwise, such as the wrecking ball drop kick that Ryder pulls off.The matches ending was very underwhelming, with Ryder lasting about two seconds before tapping out to Del Rio. Wouldn’t it be nice if Ryder was allowed to hold onto success for a little while longer? Oh well, Alberto Del Rio comes out of this match, qualifying for the MITB match in June.

Winner by Submission Alberto Del Rio

Next up we have the GOAT Enzo Amore coming out to thunderous applause. Although Cass was great on his own, he just seems so much more at home at Enzo’s side. The Dudleys interrupt Enzo before he even gets his first sentence out.  A match is teased before The Dudleys back down, announcing that they’ll fight on the vastly inferior Monday Night Raw. If Creative wants to make Smackdown equal to Raw, they need to give worthwhile matches to Smackdown.Title match rematches that end in retained titles don’t count.  Hopefully we’ll get important matches after Smackdown goes live in July.

Rusev vs Kalisto (US Title Match)

Unlike Sunday, this match is a complete squash, with Rusev destroying Kalisto as he should be. If it wasn’t for Kalisto favouring his back during the match, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Sin Cara put on the wrong mask and ran out for a fight. The match starts to go back and forth towards the end but after Rusev capitalises on Kalisto’s back again, we have another submission win for Rusev. The end of the rivalry is marked by Titus O’Neil coming out to defend Kalisto, demanding a match, Rusev backs down, we’ll probably see it on Monday. Maybe this means that Rusev won’t be destroyed by Cena straight away after his return if he’s distracted by Titus.

Winner by submission Rusev

We then have a recap from Monday on Charlotte kicking Ric Flair out of the ring.This includes interviews from many superstars, asking their opinion on the matter (Including Dean Ambrose and  Titus?). This leads to Charlotte taking a commentary role on the next match.

Dana Brooke vs Natalya

I shit you not, this match was over before I managed to finish the heading for this section. What’s the point of having a match that takes up less time than a recap of Monday (The fallout of the match takes more time than the match on the above Youtube clip) . We get a few exchanged blows and a sharpshooter before Charlotte interrupts by attacking Natty. Natalya responds by putting Charlotte in a sharpshooter, then having to take on Flair and Brooke at the same time. This goes about as well as you could expect. At least Charlotte played a good heel I suppose? Her simple request of ‘Title’ before being given her belt was kind of good.

Winner  by disqualification Natalya(?)

We get an interview with AJ Styles where he is asked ‘What’s next?’ Styles laments over his time since joining the WWE, before replying ‘I’m not sure’. Please give suggestions to Creative over what to do with AJ Styles, this is an obvious cry for help. Maybe he should go after the Intercontinental now that most of the contenders have jumped ship to pursue the MITB. That’d be a good first step.

The Golden Truth vs Breezango

I miss Fabreeze, it was perfect damnit! What’s the deal? Did it infringe on copyright or something? It would be worth going to court over that name. On The Golden Truth’s second match as a tag team, we have about two minutes before R Truth is pinned. Why are these matches going by so quickly? Is there something big that is supposed to be going on tonight? Maybe another qualifier for MITB? The Golden Truth storyline has been going on for months and after we finally get it, the matches take up less time than the cake promo form a couple months back. Seriously, its not a race. This needs to stop, I mean come on, this treatment is why Golddust’s brother fucking left.

Winner by Pinfall, Breezango

Seth Rollins returns to Smackdown, as it stands, he’s far too good to be here. The crowd finally makes some noise for Rollins,  as he hypes up Smackdown for some reason. I hope Rollins joins Team Smackdown in July. Heel Rollins immediately shoots down the crowd and leaves. Baring in mind they hyped up his return all night. There was more time dedicated to spots about his return than what was actually spent on his return. After the rest of tonight, this absolutely makes sense.

Cesaro vs The Miz (Intercontinental Title Match)

This is it, this is why every other match tonight ended so quickly, they were saving time for this matchup. Of course they’d make time for Cesaro to become champion! Ah that makes sense. True to form, The Miz retains. The two put on a good match, with The Miz targeting Cesaro’s still injured shoulder. I wonder how long ago the shoulder actually healed, because at this point the tape is only there to make The Miz’s wins make sense. Maryse is definitely useful in these matches, helping to remove the turn-buckle pad which costs Cesaro the match. This is definitely the match of the night, which isn’t actually saying much. But at the end of the day, it’s just a repeat of Monday with a slightly alternate ending.

Winner by Pinfall The Miz

That was an overwhelmingly dull Smackdown, with the matches taking up less time than the promos advertising those matches. The crowd’s silence throughout the night echoes my feelings for this week. Going forward all we have out of this is Alberto Del Rio qualifying for the MITB match. See you next week.

Follow me on Twitter @oliverwoodster

 

 

Of Lava Cakes and Little Bray Wyatt

The first season of Camp WWE rolls on. Episodes four and five continue to show that the WWE Network can diversify beyond wrestling, reality shows and movies. It’s taken a couple of years, but the network is beginning to branch out from the safe space of vintage footage and Raw recaps.

In “Vince Isn’t That Into U,” young Triple H is crushing something awful on the teenage Stephanie McMahon. Sergeant Slaughter advises Trips to tell Steph how he really feels. (Just be glad Macho Man isn’t one of the counselors.) To prove his worth, the teen Game takes Steph’s father Vince McMahon on a date. Meanwhile, John Cena makes a gluten-free lava cake, which Mark Henry promptly eats, leading to the two bonding over Henry’s slowly-digesting food baby.

“A Family McMahon” sees McMahon quit the camp over the cruel pranks of little Steve Austin. It’s funny, but would be better with the real Austin playing himself. The subplot of Nikki Bella taking little Bray Wyatt to a dance is handled well. Little Bray even becomes a sympathetic character at one point, something we haven’t seen on Raw. (They could have gone with Little Mankind, but he may have been too sympathetic.) Lex Luger puts in a cameo, stealing the show with only a few lines.

McMahon is hilarious, as usual. There’s a reason they give him the most screen time, and it’s not just because he’s the boss. McMahon is consistently the show’s biggest surprise, delivering his ADD supervillain dialogue with unexpected comic timing. The rest of the cast puts in decent work, although it would be nice to know who they are. Like many WWE shows, Camp WWE is light on credits, a major head-scratcher when you consider the amount of talent involved. (We can assume that Jim Johnston composed the music, as he’s been WWE’s in-house composer since the eighties.)

We’re only five episodes in, but Camp WWE remains funny, with a few full-on gut laughs in every episode. Jump on here if you haven’t already, then go back and check out the rest.

Photo Credit: WWE